How to stretch that gazillion page paper

Its 7 in the morning and the stupid thing is due at 9. What can you do? You have another page to go and you're stuck. Of all the times to have writer's block. Well, you simply do as many of the great college essay writers do and stretch the damn thing. Trust me, these work, especially coming from a guy who detests papers.

1. Background info. Professors love background info. Give some info on things going on around the author for that book report. Give some reasons why a particular historical event occurred and how it relates to the topic of your paper.

2. Pad that sucker with some quotes. Now important part is to use some good quotes. Professors know when you're trying too hard to pad your paper with quotes, so make sure to relevant quotes.

3. Symbolism. Ah symbolism... there is any and every way to analyze a symbol. The great thing is that there is no such thing as a "wrong" interpretation, unless you're professor is one of those.

4. Bring in another topic. That's right, compare and contrast is the staple of my essay-writing, so bring in random crap with obscure similarities and bs to no end. Trust me, it's as if that blinking cursor will do all the writing.

5. Now if you really, really have to you can resort to www.antistudy.com. Do not, I repeate, DO NOT plagiarize any work. Besides, many professors use turnitin.com and it'll automagically pick up on your moral hiatus. Once you get caught, that stuff stays with you for LIFE! However, antistudy is a good resource for topic ideas, sources of symbolism, and a host of other things that will inspire your writing.